it's not always peachy

For the most part everything is wonderful, fantastic. Cotton candy & carrousels.

Tonight is one of those nights.

This evening, just as I was settling in with a book & cozying into the couch, Ezekiel came down the stairs with his heart ripped out, telling me that Abreham is having a really hard time.

So up the stairs I go, to talk to my sweet new son who was supposed to be sleeping, but instead is awake and hurting.

{praying during his first Sunday at church youth group.}

In their culture, they don't look adults in the eyes. I made him. Several times, I tapped on the glass of my tortoise shell frames and said, "Look up here, Abreham...look at my eyes."

I told him we love him and are so thankful he's in our family & asked if he likes it here.

"Well," I told him as I laid my hand gently atop his head. "My love, even if you wanted to go home to Ethiopia, you could not. You're in our family. Your name is Abreham Anderson. You are an Anderson now. We love you so much and are so excited that you are in our family. We can visit Ethiopia with the whole family someday, but though you are Ethiopian, you are also now an American. You live here with us and we are so happy about it. Please don't say mean things about our family. You really made Ezekiel's heart sad...and my heart is sad, too. I know you are sad and upset and that is ok. Things are very different for you now. I understand if you are sad. But know that we love you and are so thankful God put you into our family."

I didn't want to talk so long that my words just sounded like noise, but I wanted to say enough that I knew he understood. I'm sure I could've been more eloquent and don't know if I said exactly the right things, but this was the best I could do in the heat of the moment.

As apparent by his Rosetta Stone scores every day, he understands loads more than he can speak. He understood what I was saying.

He didn't necessarily care to hear it from me at the moment, but he listened.

{today at the doctor}

I'm so thankful that we have so many people here in town who could come to our home and translate if we need it. Some amazing Ethiopian-American friends who support and care about our kids so much.

We may need it...we'll see how days ahead go.

It doesn't surprise me that he's grieving like this & sometimes wants his old life back. I'm not heartbroken by it. I'm not crying as I type this post. But I am very sad and I too, grieve for my little {not so little} boy who put himself up for adoption, but probably didn't realize what exactly that meant.

The food is different. The smells are different. He has no peers currently to talk in his language with.

This week alone, he's gone to the dentist and to the physician and been poked and prodded, as we prepare him for school next week.

Ben and I always tell the kids, "You can be sad, mad, & angry...but you may not be rude." And I really wanted Abreham to understand this as he's going through this hard adjustment to his new life. He's such an amazingly sweet kid, I'm confident that he won't have much difficulty with that philosophy.

Ben and I have also instilled into our children that under God, family is THE most important thing. Period.

You don't act hurtful to family, you don't make fun of family. If someone is crying, you stop what you're doing and make sure they're ok. If you hurt them {by accident or not}, you look them in the eyes and say you're sorry and give them a hug. Always.

If someone spills their Cheerios, you help them. If someone can't reach something, you help them. You stay together, you stand up for one another, you're a team.

You're family...that means something.

{with Ezekiel at Red Rocks this weekend}

So Ezekiel being heartbroken when Abreham is hurting, totally makes sense to me.

Ezekiel has been SO excited to have a big brother. He has been his guide...explaining to him how things work, how things are done in our family.

He has shown him everything from how to buckle a seatbelt to teaching him where things go when unloading the dishwasher. He has been his playmate, his confidant.

Ezekiel is head over heals for his older sibling and I'm SO praying this was just a rare occurrence.

But perhaps it's not. And if it isn't, we will face it head on...but want Abreham to know, without a doubt...that he is LOVED. As he tests boundaries, we want him to know he is loved by our family and we are not sending him back. He is here. He will be in our family forever.

End of story.